for the love of the game

In thinking about what my goals for this season were and talking to someone about them, a question came up.

"when are you going to be satisfied? it seems that all you care about is frisbee."

my first, knee-jerk reaction was to deny that all i cared about was frisbee. looking closer, it is tough to tell that i care about other things and i started really thinking about what i care about.

i spend at least 4 days a week in the gym. i supplement workouts outside of the gym for 2 other days and usually take one day off a week.

i think about the sport constantly. how to become better at it, how i should be training, coaching techniques, etc...

whenever possible, i am searching through pictures of tournaments i haven't been to with people i don't know, just looking at people playing. i watch videos and read books.

but is it for frisbee? will i be satisfied if i win a title, if i become recognized as a great player?

the answer to both those questions is no.

first, i will never be satisfied. what is their to be satisfied with? if you win one title, why not get another? if you are a great player, why not be the best ever? those questions are easy to answer.

but. is it for frisbee that i sweat and puke, push myself and strain personal relationships?

no. it's not. it's because i want to be a great athlete, frisbee happens to be my sport, the sport that i want to be a great athlete at.

i look at myself in the mirror every morning and want my body to look better. i look at how much weight i lift and want to lift more. i look at each route i climb and want to climb harder ones. i look at how fast i can run a 200 and want to run faster.

i am one of the most competitive people i have ever met. i want to be better than you, than anyone, at anything i do. the past 3 years, something finally clicked and made me realize that in order to be good, and then become great, you have to work your ass off. in the past, i had been able to get by at the things i did and stay competitive.

people have come and spoken to me and say they are impressed with my work ethic and how much time i spend training. i look at how much i workout and don't see anything impressive. i think i can be doing more, i wish i could push myself harder.

the real question is "why?". why do i want to be a great athlete?

supplemental answers help to figure out the real solution. there is nothing like running faster than someone to chase down a disc. breaking the mark is a great feeling. but i think it stems from wanting to be better than you. sometimes, that makes team sports difficult. i want to be better than everyone, not just the other team. sometimes it causes me to look at my teammates and see them as the enemy. something i certainly need to work on, but also helps in practice.

i don't want to be satisfied. i want to be better. there is nothing to be said for the person who relishes their accomplishments when someone else is doing better, working harder. everyday i picture that person who is working harder than me and i know i need to be better, push through and overtake them.

it's not for frisbee, it's for me. it's so i can show myself that i can take the pain, i can take more pain than anyone else.

if you don't believe me, train harder than me.